Well, with only a day and a half to go til my dreaded return to work date I am busy trying to keep occupied both mentally and physically. I guess I relaxed for too long in between making batches of stew, some mini quiches, loads of laundry and finalizing some details for Annie's 1st bday. Apparently that was long enough for my mind to "go there" and then came the tears.
I wish time would stand still, just long enough for me to psych myself up for all this. Just when I feel like it's all going to be okay and a welcome change that is when it all hits me--I'm just not ready yet.
I was feeling sad this afternoon so had a bit of a pity party (solo of course) as my beloved daughter Annie is STILL sleeping. She has had two naps today and at the moment has been asleep for 5.5 hours in total and is still napping. Sometimes I feel completely cheated out of my time with her.
Yes, I love that she naps from 5-6 hours/day and sleeps 12 hours each and every night (well at least for the past 6 months anyhow) but sometimes I wish she'd have a crappy nap day so I could have more Mommy time. Is that selfish? If it is I don't care. Infact, last night when I Annie woke up at 9pm (which NEVER happens) I was actually happy and loved our extra cuddle time in bed.
In an attempt to stay busy and keep my mind from still wandering, I called my Mom to ask her a question. Of course she knew right away I was sad and she asked why. I told her how I wanted Annie to be up already and how I wished she would not sleep most of the day away. Mom laughed and said some comforting Mom thing like, "Honey, you should be glad she sleeps." I told her I am but that I feel like I've missed out on hours with her due to sleep. She laughed again and said, "Write that down." One day you will want to remember this.
So, here I am taking some more of my Mom's advice. I seem to have actually learned a thing or two this year...Momma sure does know best. But about that child of mine? I wonder when she's going to wake up. It's been 3 hours and 16 minutes...not that I'm counting or anything.
xo,
Amber
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Amber, you are such a good momma. How great is it that Annie is so completely loved by you and her daddy?
ReplyDeleteWhen she is old enough to read this--and then again when she is a mother herself--she is going to understand how much you cherished her and how much she was wanted. I wish we had blogs when you were a baby so that there was a record of how much you were loved and cherished as an infant.
After all, you are just my baby girl who grew up.
xoo
Love you forever,
Mom
Wah! Mom. That makes me cry.
ReplyDeleteMason and I can only imagine what it's going to feel like when Annie grows up and moves away, gets married etc... We have agreed that we'll move to Hamilton, she'll got to McMaster University and we won't let her leave home til she's 35 and we want to retire. Sound like a plan?
Seriously though, having Annie makes me realise how much you love all of us. You are such a good Momma. I learn from the best.
xoxo,
Amber
P.S. I love you to the moon and back!